More than meets the eye…

Nothing to Disclose 

I just wanted to share a little more about why I chose to concentrate in this blog on things that make me happy. I, like millions of others, suffer from depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed as a teenager, and have run the gamut of being misdiagnosed and prescribed the wrong drugs. I don’t try to hide my illness, but I’m quiet, and I keep to myself, and I’m not even positive that those closest to me know the extent of it. By nature, I’m not a complainer, so often, people think I’m busy or standoffish, because I don’t like bringing anybody down. 

After trying several different prescriptions, I realized medication is not my thing. Of the drugs I was given, one was just the absolute wrong one, and the very first thing I was prescribed turned out to be an anti-psychotic. That didn’t work out well, and long story short, I switched doctors and tried other medications, but didn’t like the side effects or the way they made me feel. Zombie just doesn’t look good on me. 

So, instead, I self-medicate in quite a few ways, and find it works best for me. It may be coloring one day and movies the next.  It could be spending the day in a satin nightie or putting on some makeup and heels to go out. Most often, it’s prayer. I’m not particularly religious, and in fact, I don’t even go to church, but I often find prayer is what gets me through the day, and more importantly, the moments that are sometimes a struggle. No one thing works all the time, for me, and, yes, I do still have my dark days. What helps me is having an arsenal of things that make me smile. 

What it all boils down to is that you have to do what works for you. Whether it’s conventional treatments or things that are a little wacky, if it makes you feel your best, and doesn’t harm anyone else, do it. You don’t need permission, and if people look at you strangely, hell…let ’em stare. In life, it doesn’t matter what you do; there will always be naysayers and people who judge. I say turn the music up and dance to whatever beat you see fit. 

Also, if you ever need to talk, feel free to shoot me a message or email. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to an understanding stranger than to someone close who feels they have the right to judge. If not me, please, talk to someone. You’d be surprised at how the number of people who understand. I know that sometimes, in darkness, it can be hard to feel the sun will ever shine again. Sometimes, though, you have to reach out for some light. Grab it and hold on. 

If there’s any one thing I would like you to take from this, it’s this:

You matter. 

Thanks for reading!

About koolklawz 140 Articles
I'm a wife and mother seeking happiness in its many forms, and looking to share it wherever I can.


  1. It is really nice that you have found something non-medical that works for you. I had been diagnosed a ton of different meds and none really worked… most kept me in a fog, which I hated. Others just didn’t work at all… one gave me a bad reaction… I was a mess, and I had given up and went untreated for many years. Recently, I got diagnosed as bi-polar and put on the right combination of meds that really seemed to be working, but recently my depression has proven to be mightier than big pharma and is pushing through… It is time for me to look for alternate routes.

    • Thanks for your comment, Tizzy! That’s what’s so hard about mental illness. It’s difficult to diagnose, and even harder to treat. It requires a lot of work, as far as finding what works, adjusting dosages, and such. I really hope you find what works for you soon. Your depression may be tough to contain, but it certainly isn’t mightier than you are, I have no doubt. If you’d ever like to talk, feel free to email or message me. Sometimes, it’s easier to share with a stranger. 🙂 I appreciate you sharing…this post was a difficult one for me. ❤️

  2. I love it when I see bravery like this. You are a strong and brave woman for putting your story out there for all to read. It’s a great way to make others realize that just because a disease is silent and unseen, doesn’t make it any less real. I also was diagnosed with mental illness and was on a variety of meds over the years; none of which ever seemed to work. Then you have the various side effects; living in a fog, dizziness, shakiness, nausea.. the list goes on. I had to stop taking the ones for the depression and was able to find a fantastic more natural remedy that helps to keep me on an even keel. Then of course there’s the therapeutic hugs from my babies. Much love to you.

    • Thanks so much! I’ve never been as open as now about my illness. I’m not as open as I’d like to be, but the more I am, the more I realize how many kindred spirits there are. It’s shocking that it’s such a stigma in this day and age, even with so many people living with mental illness. I hope someday everyone can get the help they need, and however they need it, whether prescriptions, therapy, hog wrestling…whatever works, lol. I’m glad to hear you’ve found something that works for you, too! I’d love to know more! And thank you for sharing, too. It’s easy to feel alone on the bad days, and it’s nice to have a reminder to tuck away. ❤️

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.